Processing the Mixed Emotions of Caregiving


The mixed emotions of caregiving leave many family caregivers in turmoil. And a recent Home Instead Senior Care network survey paints a clearer picture of the angst that so many caregivers experience.

Nearly 74% of family caregivers who hide their feeling sare overwhelmed, but that same percent of caregivers also feel loved. And the list goes on: 70% feel frustrated while 73% feel appreciated; 64% fee; anxious while the same number of caregivers feels satisfied.

Two attributes that set caregiving apart are the intensity of caregiving situations and the lack of planning that generally precipitates the need for care. “With a child there’s nine months to prepare, but with caregiving there’s usually a phone call to say a loved one is in need of help,” says caregiving expert Dr. Amy D’Aprix.

Dr. D’Aprix offers these tips to help caregivers overcome the anxiety of the unexpected need for caregiving.

1. Look at your situational concern.

What can you control. If you dad is diabetic, you can control the food you service and your attitude about his condition. What you cannot control is what he eats. Other common worries are, “What if my dad dies first? What will I do with Mom?” those are things you can’t control, so try to not to worry until they happen.

2. Have an outlet.

You need someone you can talk with who is nonjudgmental and not a family member- someone with whom to vent. Find it in a friend or caregiver support group.

3. Recognize your limitations.

Be realistic about what you can do. Too many family caregivers bite off more than they can chew. Set priorities and get help when needed.

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CAREGiver Stress Part II- The Facts

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, more than 50 million people provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aging family member or friend during any given year. Thirty percent of caregivers are themselves aged 65 or over; another 15% are between the ages of 45 to 54. While there is no reliable estimate of the number of family caregivers, at least 7 million Americans are caring for a parent at any given time.

The need for caregivers will increase as the boomer population ages. People over the age of 65 are expected to increase at a 2.3% rate, but the number of family members available to care for them will increase by less than 1%. That is expected to result in added stress on the family caregiver who might not have others to help with caregiving duties.

Already, millions of working adults are juggling the competing demands of caring for a chronically ill or disabled parent, raising a family, and managing a career. The negative effects include time lost from work, lower productivity, quitting a job to give care, lost career opportunities, lower future earnings, and stress-related illnesses.

According to recent studies:

  • Caregivers comprise about 13% of the workforce. Nearly 20% of family caregivers are providing 40 hours of care a week or more. As a result, some 10% have to go from full-time to part-time jobs because of their caregiving responsibilities.
    Source: Home Instead Senior Care
  • During the year 2000, the typical working family caregiver lost $109 per day in wages and health benefits due to the need to provide full time care. Eventually, some 12% of caregivers quit their jobs to provide care full-time.
    Source: The American Council of Life Insurers
  • American businesses lose as much as $34 billion each year due to employees’ needs to care for senior loved ones. Both male and female children of aging parents make changes at work in order to accommodate caregiving responsibilities, such as modifying work schedules, coming in late or leaving early, or altering work-related travel.
    Source: The MetLife Mature Market Institute

There are a number of employee programs that can provide support for family caregivers:

  • Some employers offer “cafeteria style” employee benefits which allow employees to select supplemental dependent care coverage to reimburse costs for in-home care or adult day care. Benefits might also cover therapeutic counseling for the employee to help cope with the stresses of family caregiving.
  • Human Resource or employee assistance program (EAP) staff can provide information on helpful Internet sites, local information and referral services or resource centers. Some larger businesses organize in-house caregiver support groups or coordinate with local community groups or hospitals so that employees can attend an outside support group.
  • Alternative work schedules such as flexible work hours, family illness days, and leave time may be available.  Check with your manager to see if you can modify your own work schedule to accommodate your caregiving needs.
  • If you work for a company that has 50 or more employees, it must comply with the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which allows for up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for a seriously ill parent, spouse or child, while protecting job security. Some smaller firms also use the FMLA guidelines to provide support for individual employees.

It’s important that you take the time to learn what is offered by your employer. Doing so could alleviate some of your stress.

**Tune back in next month for the next part of our CAREGiver Stress series to learn more about the signs of stress.**

CAREGiver Stress- It is not just about professionals!

When it comes to defining the extent of the volume of caregivers, former first lady Rosalyn Carter said it best: “There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.”

Caregiving can be a very rewarding and bonding experience – but it can be very stressful. According to a recent study conducted by Home Instead Senior Care network, 31% of family caregivers admit they’d like more help, and 25% actually resent other family members who don’t help out more. The stress gets worse if the caregiver has other important and pressing responsibilities, such as a job, children to care for, a busy social life, or some distance to travel to care for their elderly relative.

Caregiving can be particularly hard for a spouse, especially when the care recipient requires around-the-clock assistance. It can even become dangerous if the spousal caregiver has his or her own health issues to deal with, because those problems can be made worse by the stress of caregiving and the lack of attention to the caregiver’s own needs.

You can’t ignore the needs of the person you are caring for, but there are a number of ways to make sure you remain as stress-free and healthy as possible during the process. In this workshop, we’ll discuss the extent of the caregiver stress problem and give you some signs to look for that show you might be suffering from stress yourself. We’ll also look specifically at the challenges of dealing with patients who have Alzheimer’s or other dementia.We will be posting  over the next several months about CAREGiver stress and providing tips and ideas about how you can ease your stress level and protect your health.

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Handling the Holidays


When you are caring for a loved one who has Alzheimer’s or another type of Dementia, facing the holidays can be quite a task. At Home Instead Senior Care, we know this time of year can even be something that a family caregiver may dread because of the added stress of still trying to create holiday memories all while managing behaviors that can stem from Alzheimer’s or other dementias.

Home Instead Senior Care’s website Help for Alzheimer’s Families has created lots of articles including resources and tips to make the holidays more manageable. Below are 4 tips to Manage Alzheimer’s and other dementias during the holidays:

1. Recall past traditions of the person—make their favorite mincemeat pie. 

Spend time doing things that always meant a lot to your loved one. If you always made homemade ornaments each year with mom using materials around the home or by sewing, then try to keep that tradition. It will allow you to make new memories and focuses on a past tradition that mom loved, from a time she more than likely can remember really well!

2. Celebrate in smaller groups—attend a religious service off hours, or enjoy your own spiritual readings/traditions.

To avoid any unnecessary agitation with your loved one, avoid huge crowds or situations that you know will trigger certain behaviors. Think about less busier times at department stores to shop or the suggestion above for church services, etc.

3. Do some simple chores together. Wrapping presents is a good one: “Mother, do you like the red bow or the green ribbon?”

Always providing your loved ones with choices, even around the holidays, helps them to feel included but also in control of their own care. When a person with Alzheimer’s or another dementia may act out irrationally, it is often because they are trying to communicate a need or want to be in control of their own care and can’t express that. Let them decide what wrapping paper to use between two choices (two is preferred because you do not want to overwhelm) or let them choose between the turkey or ham for dinner.

4. Use the holidays as a chance to share appreciation and support with friends and family who have helped.

This one is really important! If you are blessed enough to have a great support team in helping to care for your loved one, be sure you use the holidays as a way to show appreciation. Send a thoughtful card, gift or some homemade goodies to show how much you are thankful for their support!

Any questions, please contact your local Home Instead Senior Care Franchise Office at 601.261.2114. For more tips, resources and guides, visit 

10 Signs a person needs Home Care

  1. Household bills piling up


  1. Reluctance to leave home


  1. Losing interest in meals


  1. Declining personal hygiene (unkempt appearance, incontinence issues)


  1. Declining driving skills


  1. Scorched pots and pans


  1. Signs of depression


  1. Missed doctors’ appointments and social engagements


  1. Unkempt house


  1. Losing track of medications

If you are struggling to care for an aging loved one, let Home Instead Senior Care help. Call our local office today for more resources or a complimentary care consultation at 601.261.2114.

God Won’t Ask

Food for thought: We hope this was as thought provoking and inspirational as we found it to be! Touch a life today!

God won’t ask what kind of car you drove but will ask how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.

God won’t ask the square footage of your home but will ask how many people you welcomed into it.

God won’t ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet but will ask how many of those clothes helped the needy.

God won’t ask how many different materials possessions you had but will ask if they dictated your life.

God won’t ask you what your highest salary was but will ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

God won’t ask how much overtime you worked but he will ask if you worked overtime for your family and loved ones.

God won’t ask how many promotions you received but will ask you how you promoted others.

God won’t ask what your job title was but will ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

God won’t ask how many friends you had but will ask how many people you were a true friend to.

God won’t ask what you did to help yourself but will ask what you did to help others.

God won’t ask what you did to protect your right but will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.

God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived but will ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won’t ask about the color of your skin but will ask about the content of your character.

God won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words but will ask how many times they didn’t.

Grandma and the Cake

This is a story submitted to Home Instead Senior Care by a client. With her permission, we would like to post this story for your enjoyment!


“A little boy is telling his Grandma how “everything” is going wrong. He tells her that it rained last weekend during his birthday party, how he lost the baseball game, and that nothing seems fair, etc… Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake.

She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which of course he does. “Here, have some cooking  oil.”

“Yuck,” says the boy.

“How about a couple of raw eggs?”

“Gross, Grandma!”

“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?”

“Grandma, those are all really yucky!” To which Grandma replied: “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way,they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why he would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in order, they always work for good!”


Written by L. Wright